Equilibrium
by A Shift in Perspective
Summary: Feeling weak and powerless after his confrontation with Aizen, Ichigo struggles to find peace in the fact that he's completely normal. A certain 8th Division Lieutenant has been instructed to keep an eye on him, and after a particularly close call, she decides to modify her mission details. Only with a perfect reason, of course. Ichigo/Nanao. Rated M for language.


**Disclaimer: All rights go to Tite Kubo. I own absolutely nothing, barring a few thoughts that I put to paper. Those, I'll keep.**

Welcome to Equilibrium!

Summary: Feeling weak and powerless after his confrontation with Aizen, Ichigo struggles to find peace in the fact that he's completely normal. A certain 8th Division Lieutenant has been instructed to keep an eye on him, and after a particularly close call, she decides to modify her mission details. Within perfect reason, of course. Ichigo/Nanao.

–

It all began the day after he had finally lost the last remnants of his Shinigami powers. He had walked into class, nothing unusual. Completely quiet. No hollows, no adventures, nothing. He could deal with that. Then, near the end of the day, all of his friends perked up, looking at each other. The conversation went unsaid. ' _Hollow'._

Then they looked at _him_.

It wasn't a look of derision. Or a look of "hey, sorry." It was a look of pity. And Ichigo hated himself for it.

So he started to distance himself from his friends, and retreated back into his studies. His test scores and class ranking steadily climbed to the top 5, while the time spent among family and friends plummeted. He's continued to act this way, currently 5 months after the moment that Rukia, and the rest of Soul Society, had completely disappeared from his life.

His family was taking it all pretty well, all things considered. Yuzu would pester him after dinner for desert or extra helpings, and Karin would ask him to go out in the backyard and kick the soccer ball back and forth. Isshin did what Isshin was good at, attacking Ichigo whenever possible, and whining each time he found himself on the floor. But Ichigo tried to remain strong. For his family, and his friends. He would just act as normal as possible, when he could control it. But when he couldn't, the results were… not pretty.

 _Ichigo stood tall, standing in front of all of his close friends that he met just over a year ago. Rukia looked like she was alright, a slight grin on her face._

" _Don't get yourself hurt, idiot. We won't be there to clean up after you any more." Rukia said, earning a snort from Renji._

 _Ichigo didn't bother to reply, and flipped Renji the bird._

" _Alright, just don't come running if you can't handle a hollow, or find yourself on death row, or get your memory stolen by two kids from your past, or -" Ichigo started, but was interrupted by Rukia._

" _You made your point." Rukia grumbled, folding her arms._

" _Nice to know we agree on at least one thing, midget." Ichigo teased, standing up to his full height._

" _I'm not a midget!" Rukia shouted, and kicked Ichigo in the shins._

" _Heh, feels like someone has been bottling up those kicks for a while. Anything you want to tell me? At least we have a little time left." Ichigo observed._

 _The minutes afterwards were unusually quiet._

 _Suddenly, it was much later in the day, and both Renji and Rukia were fading. Fast._

" _No!" Ichigo quickly shouted. "I wanted to tell you guys -"_

 _But they were gone._

 _Looking around, he realized that his friends were all gone. Uryuu, Orihime, Tatsuki, Chad, and Kon were nowhere to be seen._

 _Suddenly, looking up, he sees his friends up on top of a nearby roof, Uryuu pointing his bow at him, while the rest of his friends stood on his left, looking down upon Ichigo._

" _You're of no use to us, Kurosaki." Uryuu said, prepared to release his arrows. "It would have been better for all of us if you were dead. All you are now... is a burden."_

 _Ichigo watched as the arrows approached him in an instant, the first few piercing through his arms and legs. As he was about to shout at Uryuu, he saw one large arrow directly in front of his face._

 _And then he saw nothing._

Shooting up in bed, Ichigo pants as he strains to calm down his breathing. Quickly willing away the rush of thoughts in his mind, he opens his eyes, only to find a fist rapidly approaching his face. For a moment, he has a flashback to the arrow again, instead of the fist – his momentary pause allowing Isshin's fist to cross his face in a strong left hook, lifting him up and out of bed, and into the drywall above his pillow.

Isshin's eyebrows shoot up into the air, quickly followed by a rapid soccer ball smashing into his face, courtesy of a hard kick from Karin, who had just stumbled into the interaction from the doorway.

Crumpling down onto the floor, Isshin grumbles something along the lines of "My beautiful nose..." while blood pours from his covered face and onto the floor. Karin takes a moment to lightly prod Isshin's ribs, and he quickly scuttles out of the room on his knees, somehow managing to close the door behind him.

Karin looks at her elder brother, who was still frozen in disbelief. Quickly deciding that the look didn't fit him, she bounces the ball off of the wall right by his head.

Quickly snapping out of his shock, Ichigo starts to pull himself out of the wall, covering the majority of his bed in chunks of drywall and dust. After completely pulling himself out, and cradling his swelling jaw, he glances at Karin, and half-mumbles "thanks" before reaching for the door.

"Wait," Karin blurted, as he began to open the door, speaking softly. "You know we're worried about you, right? We've done our best to try to give you space to come to terms with this, in our own ways. Yuzu's worried. Dad's worried. And I'm worried, Ichigo. We don't know what to do. You stay holed up in your room, you don't say a word when you come down from dinner, and you refuse to meet your friends outside of class." Karin says, tears coming to her eyes. She takes a quick, deep breath, trying to control the rare display of emotion.

"You've all but withdrawn from the family, and it's killing us, Ichigo. Yuzu's losing sleep. Dad has been trying to hide it, but he's smoking again. And me? I'm watching my brother act like everybody around him doesn't exist, even though we're _right fucking here_!" Karin yelled, before realizing that tears were running down Ichigo's face.

 _'Ichigo is crying.'_ Karin realized, shocked. _'I just made Ichigo cry.'_

Feeling horribly guilty, Karin draws a short breath to tell her brother she was sorry, but is interrupted by her brother.

"I wasn't strong enough." Ichigo chokes out, before slowly turning to Karin. "I'm sorry." Ichigo says, his voice hoarse. "I'm so sorry." He mumbles again, before rushing out of his bedroom and into the bathroom down the hall, closing and locking the door behind him.

Karin, still in no small amount of shock, picks up the soccer ball, and walks out of the room, out of the house, and down a few blocks before taking a left turn at the intersection. Blatantly jaywalking across the street, she walks up to Urahara's candy shop, and knocks sharply on the door.

A slightly pale hand wraps around the edge of the sliding door, revealing a large bucket hat resting upon a messy head of blonde hair, and a pair of sharp eyes dulled by the fuzziness left over from sleep.

"We need to talk." Karin says, hands juggling the soccer ball nervously.

His trademark grin quickly turning into a worried frown, Kisuke opens the door further, inviting the young woman inside, and closes the door with the sharp snap of wood meeting wood.

–

Shaking his hair dry, Ichigo takes a moment to look in the mirror. His hair has grown out a little bit, looking like he was halfway through his training in Dangai. Just the thought brought a wave of uncomfortable guilt that seemed to emanate directly from his heart, leaving an ache that just wouldn't leave.

 _'I wasn't strong enough.'_ Ichigo thought. _'And now, I can't protect my friends or my family. I broke my promise to Zangetsu, to use his powers to defend those I loved.'_

Thinking of Zangetsu, Ichigo reaches up and traces the one scar that only showed on his human body, and not in his Shinigami form. The scar left by the blade that pierced his heart, and started it all.

 _'But_ _it was taken away just as quickly._ _First by Byakuya, then by_ _my_ _own choice._ _'_ Ichigo thinks to himself.

Although he knew that it was the right thing to do at the time, it still left a bitter taste in his mouth.

With a short sigh, he scoops up his backpack, brushes the dust off, and begins his short walk to school.

–

"For the last time, _Captain_ , why are you sending me out on this mission again? I have no idea why you signed me up for this." Nanao asks, exasperated.

"It's quite simple." Shunsui starts, waving his hands as if he hadn't just used her last three year's worth of vacation days to cover a sudden mission in the Human World. "Ichigo's been dubbed 'Hero of the Winter War'. Obviously, as no one else currently has claim on the title itself, it's quite possible that someone powerful would track him down to challenge him. Problem being, he's still human, and very much alive. We need to make sure he stays that way. We owe him that much, at least." Shunsui elaborates. "But, what has spurned this on is that one of his sisters visited Kisuke-san, asking for someone to help out her brother. It sounds like he's taken the loss of his powers pretty badly."

"And what gave you the idea to send me, and not another Lieutenant?" Nanao asks in return.

Shunsui smiles. "Because I'd like you to get out of the office for a while. Take a breath of fresh air, smell the flowers, and help us keep this peace for as long as we can."

Nanao bows, preparing to leave.

"And don't forget," Shunsui calls out, eyes glinting from under his straw hat.

"We all gave some, but he gave it all." Shunsui intones, before turning away once more.

Nanao tried desperately to ignore the shiver that went down her back as she left her Captain's office. She fails miserably.

–

 **A/N: You know the drill. Read, Review, ask me stuff. See you all again soon!**


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